Mini Football anyone?

[CallieHandaBet]

As mentioned in the main thread, to kick start on being part of the community here and also to celebrate to World Cup, Purple Lounge is offering the first 50 People who make a post in the Private Purple Lounge Forum a FREE Purple Lounge branded Mini football!

So tell us a joke or something interesting or your thoughts on the world cup, our Affiliate Program or whatever - and I’ll be in touch for your details - Simple!

Tom will start off with a Joke!!!

Callie

[tomgalanis]

This World Cup reminds me of working with Callie – I should be enjoying it but there’s a constant droning noise in the background that’s starting to **** me off!

[CallieHandaBet]

Boo!

I know you're not talking about me!

[benthomaslee]

Can I have a mini football to send direct to Rob Green with a note asking him to do some catching practice with it?

[CallieHandaBet]

That's funnier than Toms Joke!

[thepokerkeep]

Understanding engineers - take one

Two engineering students were walking across a university
campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along
yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


Understanding engineers - take two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding engineers - take three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for
a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen
minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper, let's have a
word with him." He said, "Hello, George, what's wrong with that
group ahead of us, they're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire-
fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free any time."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do
for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


Understanding engineers - take four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and
civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build
targets.


Understanding engineers - take five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it
work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"


Understanding engineers - take six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing
the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all
the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a
civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through
a recreational area?"


Understanding engineers - take seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding engineers - take eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out
to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you
want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[pompeyrayuk]

A young girl from Donegal leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home 6 months later and steps out of a taxi wearing a full-length mink coat.

"Begorrah, Colleen," says her mother. "Tis a lovely soft coat yer wearin' an' it looks so expensive. Where did ye get that?"
Colleen replies, "Sure now, I won it at the bingo. Don't they have wonderful prizes in London?"

When the weekend's over, Colleen returns to the bright lights, but she's back to visit her mom a few months later.This time, when she steps out of the taxi, she's wearing a beautiful gold wristwatch and a large diamond ring.

Same exchange with Mom...same "Won it at bingo!"

Colleen returns to the bright lights again. A few months later, she's back.
This time she's sporting a beautiful emerald and diamond necklace with matching bracelet and earrings.
She hands her mother 1,000 pounds and explains that she won it all in bingo. Then she asks Mom to run her a bath as she needs to freshen up.

When Colleen gets to the washroom, there's only a quarter inch of hot water in the bathtub. Colleen, a wee bit peeved at her Mom being so cheap with the hot water after being handed 1,000 pounds, calls downstairs,
"Mom! sure now, didn't I ask you to run me a bath? There's only a quarter inch of water in the tub!"
"For sure there is, me darlin," replies her Mom.
"We don't want ye gettin' yer bingo card all wet now, do we?"

You can never fool Mom !

[CallieHandaBet]

great stuff people - mini footballs coming your way

[benthomaslee]

Football duly received thank you

England have helpfully dropped Green and qualified too so it must have worked!!

Can someone else ask for a minifootball for Rooney so he can do some hat-trick practice

[CallieHandaBet]

Ben, seems like a was a little late for the Rooney hat trick!!


Thanks,

Callie

[benthomaslee]

Think on recent form he'd struggle to get a hat-trick in his back garden playing against the dog!!!