Probably worse decison i have ever made

[Betpartners]

Looks like i may be at my first ever conference but no guarantees down to a variety of reasons.

The flights are booked and so that part is a done deal, what is not a done deal are the following.

London:

Hate the place like a plague, a dirty filthy, **** roach ridden hell hole that deserves no place on this world or the next, would not wish it on my worst enemy.

I am entitled to say that seeing as i spent the vast majority of my life living in that dark deep abyss of human suffering and torture.

Hotel:

Not got a room, dumb agreed but then only made the decision to go today and booked the flight today and i resent paying extortionate prices to stay in a place that will bring me close to a mental breakdown.

Transportation:

Suppose i could go stay with me mum or brothers, my children, aunts, uncles and friends but that would mean using public transport and that simply is not going to happen.

I would rather crawl through the sewers under the capital (have done many times in a previous job btw) than subject my mind and soul to a kamikaze experience of using what must rank as the worst public transport system god decided to inflict on mankind.

People:

London people are called the salt of the earth, my arse

Never a truer sentence was uttered when someone said you could live in London surrounded by 6 million souls and be as lonely as hell.

Anti social, miserable, aggressive and downright rude and obnoxious a race of people i have ever had the displeasure to come across.

And again as a naturlised Londoner with Kids born there and an accent as thick as any East Londoner i am entitled to say that.

Tuxedo:

Aint got one, dont want one, hate the bloody things, i dont look good in them and i feel a bloody pansy in them.

Prices:

So bloody expensive i feel like slapping the skin off anyone that charges me a single penny, be it a shop keeper, a hotel, a taxi or whatever, you are ripped off the minute you get in to the airspace of the UK and your expected to thank them for it.

Weather:

Bloody wet and cold and miserable and no place to hold any sort of event, the weather reflects the enviroment, the people and the bloody place, the second i get off the plane i regret i even thought of coming back to my nightmare nevermind actually doing it.

My Town:

Now i ahte London but i wont have anyone say a word against it, its my town, its the greatest capital in the world, a place steeped in history with a people who's character knows no bounds and who's fortitude is an example to the world at large.

And thats another reason i hate the bloody place, because i love it so much as well.

Yes a contradiction, see what living there does to ones mind.

Conclusion:

Yes i will be in London, will i be at the conference, i seriously dont know, i may just head out into the shires and see me kids who no doubt will clean me out as is standard practise, but at least with them i am happy unlike my feelings when i breath the London air.

So in conclusion, i will be there but i may not be there and if i am there these are the rules.

Dont pick a fight with me, i dont fight because i have too many kids i love and want to spend my life with and am too old for that ****.

Dont pick an arguement, i am like the vast majority of keyboard warriors, a chicken **** deep down.

Dont come on to me: I am ugly and no good in bed and happily settled with the love of my life.

Do come on to me: I need the ego boost and actually with 9 kids i cant be all that bad.

Dont drink with me: well because i have given up really or trying to because i am a damn good drunk but a terrible next day person that cannot handle hangovers and take days to recover.

Dont debate me: I am crap at it and you will be disapointed, dont be fooled by my forum words.

Thats it folks and if i do get my fat bald arse to the conference i really do look forward to meeting you all

[pdjoe]

Dont pick a fight with me, i dont fight because i have too many kids i love and want to spend my life with and am too old for that ****.

Never pick a fight with an older person. Most of the time its just easier for them to kill you rather than a good fight lol.

Enjoy the trip

[Betpartners]

Thanks Pdjoe

Would love to have met you and your lovely other half but alas i know you will not be there, maybe next time at a more convenient location

[TheGooner]

ha. I'm the complete opposite.

I love my London - although I'm not a born and bred local.
I loved my time there from 1991-95, 98, 2000, 04 and 06.

I love london now - because it's the opposite of my home life.
I love the underground because at least it works.
I love the congestion, the crowds and the buzz.
I love the football, the bookstores, the food and the rush ..
I love Highbury, and I'd probably love the Emirates too.

But (continuing the opposite theme) I won't be going to the conference because I can't see any value at all in traipsing halfway around the world to the freezing Northern Hemisphere.

Your London, full of snow, full of conmen, full of stands with glitz and bling, full of promises barely (and rarely) delivered, full of booze that isn't free when I've paid $10K to be there ...

No ... I don't like that at all. You can keep YOUR London.


You see - I think that I only love MY London in the summer ... when I don't have to work, and can have a cold pint in a garden bar with a plowmans lunch ...


We will see about Sydney in March ...

[AE-Martyn]

Thats it folks and if i do get my fat bald arse to the conference i really do look forward to meeting you all

Please elaborate so they don't confuse us!

[Betpartners]

Well i am confused at the question, but then again i have my dumb hat on today so thats hardly surprising

[TheBoyMitchell]

Well i am confused at the question, but then again i have my dumb hat on today so thats hardly surprising

Martyn is widely acknowledged as being the conferences Fat Bald Arse. So he was saying that you would have to be more specific in your description

Maybe you can be the Fat Bald Arse in a hat or something ?

[Chalkie]

I suggest that we need to be able to distinguish then.

Therefore, as Martyn is a regular and Martin is a new visitor, i suggest Martin should shave his eyebrows to enable us to distinguish him.

[TheBoyMitchell]

Good idea. Or maybe he could wear lipstick or something

[Chalkie]

You hold him down and i will apply it!

[TheBoyMitchell]

Its a deal!!

[Betpartners]

Oh it will easy to know which is which

I should have said Ugly fat bald arse

And if still in doubt theres the smell which i wont go in to right now

[brean78]

Oh it will easy to know which is which

I should have said Ugly fat bald arse

Nope, still doesn't help. Think the lipstick will still need to be brandished on MB

[Chalkie]

It's a done deal then, the possee will hold you down and i will apply!

Any choice of colour? Think that shiny stuff will stand out better.

[hazo]

This thread made me laugh. I want to go to London now.

[AE-Martyn]

Made me giggle too.

I cant believe Mitchell is calling me fat and ugly, unless he got the new Davina Fit DVD for Xmas....and used it!!

Even so, I'll bring my own lipstick thanks guys.

[TheBoyMitchell]

I've lost 2 stone since you saw me last......

[casinojack]

Will be my first trip. I have my hair but I am eating pasta like crazy to join the fat club!

Well fatter, I am 40 pounds to much right now..

[AE-Martyn]

I've lost 2 stone since you saw me last......

So that makes you about 18 stone!

[TheBoyMitchell]

To kinda paraphrase Churchill. (not the dog, the politician)

'Beako, yes I am fat. But in the morning I can slim. You however will still be bald'