Looks like i may be at my first ever conference but no guarantees down to a variety of reasons.
The flights are booked and so that part is a done deal, what is not a done deal are the following.
London:
Hate the place like a plague, a dirty filthy, **** roach ridden hell hole that deserves no place on this world or the next, would not wish it on my worst enemy.
I am entitled to say that seeing as i spent the vast majority of my life living in that dark deep abyss of human suffering and torture.
Hotel:
Not got a room, dumb agreed but then only made the decision to go today and booked the flight today and i resent paying extortionate prices to stay in a place that will bring me close to a mental breakdown.
Transportation:
Suppose i could go stay with me mum or brothers, my children, aunts, uncles and friends but that would mean using public transport and that simply is not going to happen.
I would rather crawl through the sewers under the capital (have done many times in a previous job btw) than subject my mind and soul to a kamikaze experience of using what must rank as the worst public transport system god decided to inflict on mankind.
People:
London people are called the salt of the earth, my arse
Never a truer sentence was uttered when someone said you could live in London surrounded by 6 million souls and be as lonely as hell.
Anti social, miserable, aggressive and downright rude and obnoxious a race of people i have ever had the displeasure to come across.
And again as a naturlised Londoner with Kids born there and an accent as thick as any East Londoner i am entitled to say that.
Tuxedo:
Aint got one, dont want one, hate the bloody things, i dont look good in them and i feel a bloody pansy in them.
Prices:
So bloody expensive i feel like slapping the skin off anyone that charges me a single penny, be it a shop keeper, a hotel, a taxi or whatever, you are ripped off the minute you get in to the airspace of the UK and your expected to thank them for it.
Weather:
Bloody wet and cold and miserable and no place to hold any sort of event, the weather reflects the enviroment, the people and the bloody place, the second i get off the plane i regret i even thought of coming back to my nightmare nevermind actually doing it.
My Town:
Now i ahte London but i wont have anyone say a word against it, its my town, its the greatest capital in the world, a place steeped in history with a people who's character knows no bounds and who's fortitude is an example to the world at large.
And thats another reason i hate the bloody place, because i love it so much as well.
Yes a contradiction, see what living there does to ones mind.
Conclusion:
Yes i will be in London, will i be at the conference, i seriously dont know, i may just head out into the shires and see me kids who no doubt will clean me out as is standard practise, but at least with them i am happy unlike my feelings when i breath the London air.
So in conclusion, i will be there but i may not be there and if i am there these are the rules.
Dont pick a fight with me, i dont fight because i have too many kids i love and want to spend my life with and am too old for that ****.
Dont pick an arguement, i am like the vast majority of keyboard warriors, a chicken **** deep down.
Dont come on to me: I am ugly and no good in bed and happily settled with the love of my life.
Do come on to me: I need the ego boost and actually with 9 kids i cant be all that bad.
Dont drink with me: well because i have given up really or trying to because i am a damn good drunk but a terrible next day person that cannot handle hangovers and take days to recover.
Dont debate me: I am crap at it and you will be disapointed, dont be fooled by my forum words.
Thats it folks and if i do get my fat bald arse to the conference i really do look forward to meeting you all![]()