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Thread: Grief

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    Miles_FTA's Avatar
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    Default Grief

    HI Guys,

    So I am not one to put myself out their like this but i think i need advice,help whatever goes here.

    On Friday Night My Dad passed very Suddenly .. Yes I'm Sad very I loved and cared for him Deeply.

    I am handling the grief by getting back to work as quickly as possible is this the right thing to do ?

    How do you deal with this type of Grief ?

    When if at all will it get easier ?

    Everytime i feel i am all teared out so i start to tear up again.. finding it tough

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    Juan Roman is offline Private Member
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    I am very sorry for your loss Miles. Hope it will be easier to cope with grief over time.
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    Hi Miles.
    My condolences. I went through what your going through now and it is a tough time. The main thing is to be strong and positive, especially if you are the one making all the arrangements. It will get easier after a while, put yourself 100% in to doing stuff that is constructive not destructive, and make your dad proud.

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    I am very sorry for you loss Miles, my condolences.
    I think the pain will stay forever. However you will be able to deal with that pain easier after a period of time. Like Andy said, you need to stay strong and positive.
    Some people like to deal with the grief by going back to work, others deal with it by staying home for a while. That's different for everyone and something for you to figure out what works best for you.

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    Sorry to hear this Miles, my condolences to you and your family.

    Everyone deals with pain and grief in different ways so there are no wrong or right answers here. Do what you feel most comfortable with there is no shame in taking a few days to mourn if you need it.

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    Miles, so sorry to hear of your loss. Grief is a very personal thing and I'm sure that you will find your way through it however tough you find it. It does get easier with time but I know that's not a very helpful thing to say now.

    I went through the same when my Dad died, it hit me harder than I ever thought.

    One thing I did do which I think helped was this.

    I sat in a quiet room and wrote him a letter, it contained all the things I remembered about him, the things we did together, my memories of him, how I felt, everything. I let it pour out on paper. I cried and cried as I wrote it, some were tears of happiness as I remembered him. I still tear up now when i think of it, (but in a good way). Then I folded the letter and when the time was right I put it in his suit pocket and it went with him when he was cremated.
    It helped me, maybe give it a try and see.

    Neil.
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    Sorry to hear of your loss. My condolences to you and your loved ones.

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    I'm sorry to hear about your loss Miles. Hang in there mate and keep yourself busy. Everything takes time. I lost my father to cancer many years ago. The first year was the worst, but wounds do heal as time goes on.
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    Sorry for your loss.

    I lost my father twenty years ago and I can tell you it does get better over time, but the grief never goes away completely. Staying busy and focusing on the good times helps.

    Seven Choices by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, Ph.D. is a helpful book if you need a little help working through it.
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    I am so sorry to hear about this Miles.

    I have to agree with everyone else, that time will help heal the pain some, but it never all goes away completely, but over time you will remember the good times more, and eventually will smile again. I faced a similar situation and lost my father on Christmas Eve last year.

    Depending on your faith, you might consider reaching out to someone of similar faith to talk it out with them a little as that is comforting for some.

    I will add you to my prayers, may you receive comfort.

    Rick
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    Miles I am very sorry about your father and I do understand how you are feeling.I lost my brother 2 years ago to cancer and even now it is something that is difficult to get through.We did not have CBG last year because quite frankly I could not get myself into a place I could plan for a party event.I don't think jumping back to work is the right solution for something like this ,let yourself cry and grieve ,it gets easier but some days the simplest thing puts you over the edge.

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    Sorry to hear and for your loss.

    Talking is always a good therapy.

    If work provides a positive distraction then don't take the time off.

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    Thank you everyone for your thoughts and well Wishes.

    It is a Sad time for me but ye im a strong Charector and will be Ok in time ... in Time ..

    @ Neil I did try your Letter method cried for 3 Hours solid but it was therapeutic Thanks

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    Condolences to you Miles. I think you deserve some time off to grieve. Nothing wrong with that.

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    Sorry to hear of your loss Miles.

    As someone who has had so many people pass, I would actually think I'm the worst person to give advice because the more it happens, the more numb I seem to become. My uncle passed away 2 days before xmas last year and I couldn't cry, even though I wanted to.

    A few things I can tell you, some of which has already been written above:

    -It gets better over time. Time heals everything. It may not come quickly, but the time will come where it hurts less and less. In a year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years and even forbid 20 years later, thinking about them will still make you cry, but the instances of the pain you feel about them will be less and less.
    - You HAVE to let yourself grieve in whatever way that is. If it's howling til the cows come home, do it. If it's being around people for distraction, do it. If it's writing ten pages a night in a diary, do it. Do whatever you can to make you feel better, but make sure you let yourself grieve. If you let it bottle up, it will come out elsewhere and possibly at a time that is very inconvenient or extremely bad timing.
    - Talk, talk and talk. I don't talk to anyone about stuff that is going on with me, and just like the grief it builds up over time and you just explode over nothing. Find a counselor, or a therapist or something, and then find yourself one person/friend you can talk to who wont make it about them, who will just sit there and listen to you for hours and not have any input whatsoever. I cannot explain the weight that will be lifted off your shoulders doing this because it will make you feel like you are working towards a goal and actually doing something constructive when you're feeling rather lost.
    - Neil's suggestion of writing everything down is also great. Usually when I do this I put it in an envelope with the date on it, then do not open it again until a year later. If you write down all the amazing things about your dad, in a year's time you will read them all and smile at those little things you forgot about him.

    The biggest piece of advice I can give you is not to push it down and hope it goes away but let yourself grieve.

    Sorry again to hear the news Miles. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. You have some good friends around here too.
    Hugs from Oz.
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    Miles, I'm sorry for your loss. I don't have much experience in dealing with these things, but like everyone else said - things get easier with time and just do what you need to do.

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    Sorry to hear of your loss Miles.I lost my brother two weeks ago and to make thinks worst they told my wife to day that she has cancer and this is the third one in seven years, I don't cry but to day it was my day, I cried walking down the street and I didn't care if anyone is looking at me or not is OK to cry and grieve is your father!

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    Miles, I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss. At heart rending times like this we question everything about ourselves, the meaning of life and more.

    When I lost my son, I was pushed back into work by others who felt it would be the best way for me to get over things. What happened is that instead of grieving, I buried the feelings and pushed them into some remote corner of my psyche. It took a long time for me to heal.
    When I lost my Dad, I mourned him deeply, but having my own business I was once again forced to work again to keep the bucks flowing.

    What I am trying to say, is allow and give yourself the permission, time and space to grieve.

    Over time, the pain does lessen and the memories of that very special person in your life never leave you.

    Sending you strength and heart felt condolences to you and your family.

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    TauAffiliates is offline Former AM
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    Miles sorry to hear about your loss, ive expressed my condolences to Gav , be strong and long life to you and the rest of your family

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    Although I don`t know you this news sadden me and I`m sending the most sincere condolences to you and your family.
    Grief is a normal part of the healing process so you shouldn`t try to hide it. I think that the pain won`t ever go away, but in time it will get easier to deal with it. It depends on you how it`s better to deal with grief, for example when I`m sad I like to surround me with my friends or with my work, this way I can forget a little about the problems.

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