We Love You Big Red - Come Home Soon!

[Connie B]

You have done all you could!
I am sorry to hear this.

Connie

[techwoman]

You are a truly good person and Big Red was lucky to have you. I believe there is a heaven where we get to be with all the pets that we have loved and cared for all our lives.

[GFPC]

Thanks for the nice words everyone - I really appreciate them. I wish i could feel good about my decision to end his life but i certainly don't. Something is terribly nagging me so badly inside about this. All day - all i could do is see his face and hear his meows.

Like i said - i have been through many of these procedures but this one has terribly put me in some serious painful state. I feel like i should of found of way to get him more care or fess up the thousands of dollars and try chemotherapy which possibly could of saved his life.

I guess i could go around in circles like this - and for some people i may sound like a freak - but this cat meant a great deal to me and i feel like i have been wounded so terribly.

Not to mention - i decided to end his life - like i was God or something. Makes me sick really.

[Topboss]

Steve, I know how you are feeling as I recently also had to have 1 of my old dogs put down that I had had since she was a pup. It is a horrible thing to go through, but just know that you did the right thing as he had also lost his dignity - not being able to walk, drink etc - and as we all know - animals do have dignity too!!
I think chemo would have just made him feel worse and made his last days very painful.
You did it the best way possible and he felt loved right up to the end, so don't beat yourself up about it. You did all you could.

[GFPC]

Heather - I remember you going through that a while back. I certainly know you know how it feels for sure. So thanks for the support....

You have pointed out something I had not considered and that was "dignity" and your absolutely right I never thought of it that way.

I think at one point I was selfish earlier in his illness thinking about how i felt rather then how he felt cause each day he found it more difficult mobility wise, and i was trying extra hard to push him to do things like eat, drink, walk around ..etc ect..

All this time all he wanted was to sleep which I guess was part of his state.

I think the thing that led me to the decision was when I put him outside and went in the house and watch him through the window.

He was trying to follow me like he always did - he would always chase me in the house and this time both his back paws just did not work.

He was dragging himself trying to get to where I was - and he tried to jump up on the first stair and just fell over - that was when I said to myself this was no way for him to live.

I think at that time he may have lost a little of his dignity being a cat and not being able to jump up on a stair.

Anyways I know he would probably not want me feeling like this and if he could talk would tell me he wanted to go in peace - I just wish he went on his own rather then it being forced by me.

Anyways thanks Heather - by the way its really strange how the other cats are reacting - its like they are all morning him being gone.

[offyourface]

Thanks for the nice words everyone - I really appreciate them. I wish i could feel good about my decision to end his life but i certainly don't. Something is terribly nagging me so badly inside about this. All day - all i could do is see his face and hear his meows.

Like i said - i have been through many of these procedures but this one has terribly put me in some serious painful state. I feel like i should of found of way to get him more care or fess up the thousands of dollars and try chemotherapy which possibly could of saved his life.

I guess i could go around in circles like this - and for some people i may sound like a freak - but this cat meant a great deal to me and i feel like i have been wounded so terribly.

Not to mention - i decided to end his life - like i was God or something. Makes me sick really.

Your hardly a freak Steve and I think it's dope how much you guys meant to each other. If every cat in the world had a 10th of the love you gave big red they'd have it made.

I'm sure he loved you more than meows could ever express and knows his master did right by him. Really sorry for your loss bro...

[Topboss]

I don't think it was a case of you being selfish by trying to push him to do all those things - it was more a case of you grasping for some hope in that if he could do all those things then it would show that he is getting better.
It is a totally human reaction!
The main thing is that he is now at peace and frollicking in cat heaven and I am sure he will be thanking you for putting him out of his misery.
Now just remember to give your other cats even more love as they will be mourning him as I do believe that animals experience a lot of emotions that us humans experience.
Hang in there Steve - You are a good person with a big heart!!

[techwoman]

I would have done the same and have!!! Rick and I spent hundreds to save my parakeet when she was hurt. This happened a few times with her so we have spent quite a bit on that sweet little soul. Then when she passed, I couldn't burry her, I had to have her cremated so that she could be with me wherever I lived. People who love animals like this are always beautiful souls themselves. You are a beautiful soul and and big red was at the point of suffering and you released her from it. I have had to do this and never ever wanted to do it again, but if I am in that situation again and my animal family member is suffering greatly, I would. Not without going through what you have been and are right now. My prayers are with you and Big Red in heaven.

[wagerjunction]

I am so deeply sorry for the pain you must be going through Steve. I understand how terrible you must feel about the decision you had to take but for all it's worth I honestly believe you did the right thing. What good would it have done to you to watch helpless as Big Red's state continued to worsen? Most importantly though, if you had been in his paws, would you have wanted to live through that kind of ordeal?

I think Big Red was extremely lucky to have someone like you around who took the right decision on his behalf, even though that must have torn your heart in a thousand pieces. I think he was lucky to know till the end how much he was loved. He's in heaven now and smiling down on you so stop tormenting yourself. You are one of the good guys

[rak]

I would have done the same and have!!! Rick and I spent hundreds to save my parakeet when she was hurt. This happened a few times with her so we have spent quite a bit on that sweet little soul. Then when she passed, I couldn't burry her, I had to have her cremated so that she could be with me wherever I lived. People who love animals like this are always beautiful souls themselves. You are a beautiful soul and and big red was at the point of suffering and you released her from it. I have had to do this and never ever wanted to do it again, but if I am in that situation again and my animal family member is suffering greatly, I would. Not without going through what you have been and are right now. My prayers are with you and Big Red in heaven.

Can relate. Keep it strong Steve.

[AmCan]

I'm sorry for your loss steve, i've lost a few cats over the years and it's always very sad. I'm glad you were able to go to bat for Big Red and give him the love and attention that he deserved.

[mojo]

This is so heartbreaking Steve. Guilt is part of the mourning process. I hope you are not to hard on yourself. Just know you really did do everything you could and I've known you to reach out to others before. Big Red was very lucky to have you.

HUGS

[GFPC]

Someone special here from the GPWA reminded me about Big Red. I just came back to look at his pictures after so long. It still hurts as much as it was yesterday, I still have dreams about Big Red. I even have an old package of "Big Red" gum i see everyday to remind me of him.

Love you Big Red - so much!

[giggles7p]

Omg, Steve i just saw this thread and saw the dates of when this took place, it was when i was in the hospital. i was wondering why i didn't see any support from myself here and now i understand why. My god, i wish i had been around to comfort and cry with you. I am soooo sorry, this thread has me in tears and Big Red was a beautiful cat. I am at a loss for words at this minute, trying to digest the whole story and ending in a 10 minute read......i can't believe i didn't know anything about this,,...i feel so bad for you....your a wonderful advocate for animals and in my eyes your a hero. Big Red was lucky to have you and you were lucky to have his love in your life. Hugs....

Pat

[GFPC]

Yeah I got attached to Big Red one winter a few years ago. He was what i would call "Rasta-Cat" - he seriously had dreadocks! Well one winter I noticed him shivering, and he would not come inside the house - he was a street cat more or less but hung around because we would feed him. He was gorgeous but had these real crazy peaces of hair hanging off his body (DREADS).

Picture of his Dread (I have kept it for 3 years now - its placed inside his outside club house make shift cat house)

Attachment 2226

Anyways i built him the house for one winter and he would sleep in there when it got cold. It was connected to my window so he was able to scratch the window when he wanted food plus he could look in at the cats anytime and make them crazy

The following year he decided he wanted in - and he became the man of the house making all the decisions.

The one thing I will never forget is how he used to look at me - I mean I knew I was his whole life! That is why it so hard to let him go

Had so much fun with him over the years and still think of him everyday. Sometimes I go outside and still feel his presence - haha. There was something about him that really made him special. I hope I see him again someday.

[GPWA Nancy]

You will see him and all your pets again. I know my "heaven" has all my animals from my life waiting for me. It is one of the only reasons I look forward to dying. Just thinking of seeing them again has me sitting here smiling. Thank you for all the memories you brought back to me today - the cat lady

[GFPC]

Thank you so much Nancy! You really made my day today!! - The Crazy Cat Man

You will see him and all your pets again. I know my "heaven" has all my animals from my life waiting for me. It is one of the only reasons I look forward to dying. Just thinking of seeing them again has me sitting here smiling. Thank you for all the memories you brought back to me today - the cat lady