Social Disconnection

[TheGooner]

QUESTION :
How do OTHER affiliates handle social disconnection from local environments?

I've noticed a few things in the last two months that suggest that I could be doing this from anywhere - and that I frequently am not exactly sure when / where I am any more.

1/ We recently took a week holiday.
An extended road trip - and literally did work on the road for 30 minutes each day.
Different cities, different schedules etc.

2/ Sports Events.
I'm just as likely to be watching the Milan derby online as I am to be watching local sport.
Apparently the Melbourne Cup was raced today - the race that stops the nation - completely ignored.

3/ Holidays mean nothing.
Really - they're pointless. We just had a Labour Day Monday holiday here. Fortunately, I found out about it on Friday afternoon when someone asked what I was doing for the "Long Weekend" and rather than explain about self-employment etc I just mumbled "Staying at Home".

4/ Xmas parties / Work Functions.
Nope, nope, just don't happen.

5/ Commute woes / boss problems.
Just doesn't happen. People moaning about one or other - I just can't join in - it doesn't exist.

6/ I've not really been sure "what day it is" - either date or actual date - for several days last month.
Some of this is because of international date-lines and writing about sports events - and some is just due to a lack of regular work / break routine. We can do what we want - when we want.

I used to be able to tell days by TV shows - but now we DVR / TIVO everything - so it doesn't help.
So I wake up an think - WHAT day is it? And struggle for a quick answer.
(I do USUALLY know the month and approximate date).

------------------------------------------------

I've been doing this (affiliating) for 15 years - and 5 years ago left the city for rural relaxation.

Despite big attempts to maintain contact with a monthly "lunch" for self-employed mates ... and joining a local football club ... it's getting harder and harder to maintain that connection with our local environment / people.

Now that I've stopped playing footie - weekends are mystery to me. Why is it busy today? What do you mean it's Saturday?

Seriously, twice in the last month I've had to fish out my cellphone when supermarket shopping, in order to actually check what the date was in order to choose a cut of meat that was fresh (before it's expiry date) .. TWICE!

So - gimme some suggestions - what do you do to keep in touch with locals?

[-Shay-]

I do a substantial amount of work in the community.

I recently organized a local adult amateur football league (soccer) and am working on adding age based divisions. Prior to our league, the only options for playing local football on the adult level was to play small sided and those of us who are "older" had no choice other than playing with the younger guys or hanging up the boots.

Additionally, we have a growing population of refugees in our area. I head a group to offer the youth "club level" football to this growing and under-served population regardless of their ability to pay for it. Youth club sports is a big money maker locally - which means the "inner city" youth are typically overlooked and locked out from the training and experience.

[mojo]

Good thread and something I've struggled with. Being a social person the isolation for me is an issue. I find everyone is different since Joe has no such issue and wouldn't change a thing.

The freedom of working for yourself can't be bought. Being able to come and go as you please is priceless. However most family and friends are working or have to work in the morning so you are kind of out of sync with their lives. They can't do things at the drop of a hat like you can.

You also must be disciplined so that you are not sitting in the chair too much. Health insurance is a major issue as well. It's expensive to buy it on your own.

Back in August I stumbled upon a part time job that provides a full package of health insurance benefits. It's very rare because benefits are mostly only provided to full time employees. I also liked the job because it focuses on being social. I was hired and it seems to have solved multiple dilemmas for me without the burden of a full work week. And here I thought I was unemployable.

Of course when I'm digging my car out from underneath a foot of snow to go to work there may be a different attitude.

[thebookiesoffers]

i go out fridays and sundays to see my mates, do whatever saturdays, hardly any work anyway.

what's the point of doing this job and locking myself in an office all the time and not enjoy the benefits of being my own boss

[Doolally]

Just get 6 kids like me and they'll soon remind you what day it is to match their itinerary and your taxi duties.

[sweetbet]

This is a very interesting thread. Like many affiliates, I feel that social disconnection. I never remember the date unless I look at a calendar, and the only reason I remember the days of the week is because I have 2 young children that I need to drive to school, and they need to wear different uniforms on different days of the week I lose track of many public holidays, unless I hear something on the radio while I'm driving. It's funny.. Once I woke up early, prepared lunch for my daughter, woke her up and told her to get ready for school. Anyway, on my way to school, I noticed there was hardly any traffic at all. Not sure what was going on, I got to school and discovered it was a public holiday So during the week, I'm pretty much disconnected from the real world, but I do take Sundays off to catch up with family and friends and live a more normal life

[zalozite]

Hi, its interestimg thread, but i really dont understand why you has a lots of work, while you are on this business for more thna3,4,5 or 10 years. Like other regular jobs affiliate is much better for me, because when you get players and you may sometimes put on autopilot and get 1,2 montha vacation, when need money you can withdraw it on almost every point of the world and if like to work you can do it from everywhere, only need i-net conection and laptop. In affiliate business the hard thing is at the beginningm when you dont has clients and players, then you can earn comission every month, without much work. I think 2,3 hours per day is enough to update your sites and to do other affiliate work. Is im right?

[-Shay-]

Hi, its interestimg thread, but i really dont understand why you has a lots of work, while you are on this business for more thna3,4,5 or 10 years. Like other regular jobs affiliate is much better for me, because when you get players and you may sometimes put on autopilot and get 1,2 montha vacation, when need money you can withdraw it on almost every point of the world and if like to work you can do it from everywhere, only need i-net conection and laptop. In affiliate business the hard thing is at the beginningm when you dont has clients and players, then you can earn comission every month, without much work. I think 2,3 hours per day is enough to update your sites and to do other affiliate work. Is im right?

Depends on the type of site you have and whether you allow yourself to get "comfortable". I go through phases where it might be a while before I make any sort of major change or addition to my site. However, I am always watching, researching, or working somehow...

[TheGooner]

Appreciate the feedback and ideas so far. Yes Shay I found my local footie club helped with a game on Saturdays and training on Wednesdays - but there comes a time when the legs no longer want to do that other than the odd masters tournament.

Hi, its interestimg thread, but i really dont understand why you has a lots of work.

i go out fridays and sundays to see my mates, do whatever saturdays, hardly any work anyway.
what's the point of doing this job and locking myself in an office all the time and not enjoy the benefits of being my own boss.

It is not that the workload is the issue - it's not - as I said in point one it CAN be done in 30 minutes during slower times (holidays).
It's not lack of free time - in fact it's an overload of free time

However THATs another reason for dislocation with the general public who are complaining about their jobs (see points 3,4,5).
It is the fact that you can DO WHATEVER, WHENEVER YOU LIKE that provides the dislocation from everyone else.

Perhaps another specific reason for me is that I have actually moved from a city to a rural location - and do take extended holidays - so that there is real relocation and disconnection to attend to.

[RacingJim]

I'm with you Gooner, I'm glad you started this topic because I have thought about doing this myself the last few months.

I feel a number of dislocations from normal people:

Freedom is definitely one of them, I moved to my street a year ago, it's a nice cul-de-sac on the very edge of town (countryside is at the end of the street) but it's still 'middle class' working level people. The place is a morgue during the daytime, I get up about 10-ish and open my blinds and the cars are all gone, the place is dead - I work from a home office so I feel really de-energised by the place - to the point that I'm thinking of getting a city centre apartment or somewhere I can go to get some balance - it's a lonely place.

Money - I have no money worries, I'm a working class lad so all my mates (and former mates) are scraping by really, probably the most one of my mates earns is £40k a year and that's only 1 or 2 of them, most are properly skint.

Few worries - Like you, I can't moan about an annoying boss, having to go in work for extra shifts to make a bit more dough, I can buy most things I want, I think sometimes it can come across arrogant without realising. People have so much working class pride, if you offer them a drink and they know you've done well then they seem to take offence by it, even though I'm just being nice. Some people have definitely got a chip on their shoulder about me doing well, I've lost contact with some mates who had me in a certain box and it seems to have blown their mind that I drive a nice car and have a nice house.

So yeh, it's kind of 'get the violins out' stuff. Who really feels sorry for someone who did well and then got bored and lonely? I've tried wild partying, 12-18 hour drinking and coke benders, casinos, one night stands, strip clubs - they were fun for a while (18 months) then they just caught up with me and made me VERY ill. All of that was a total reaction to being holed up bored each day doing this too much, and then needing a major release each week or two.

I have accepted I'm going to have to get back out each day and try to re-connect with the normal world and try to be a normal person, I don't really have any tips or answers by the way. I tried some volunteering recently but my general illness of the last 6 months meant I had to stop, so I'm just having to get myself healthy again and then hopefully join a few meetup groups to get back into my hobbies like bike riding and walking etc.

The main thing I'd like to do is meet other people in the same boat, home workers/affiliates whatever, it would be good to meet people now who I have things in common with than trying to always talk down and disown what I do cos people don't understand it and/or feel threatened by it.

[Renee]

Appreciate the feedback and ideas so far. Yes Shay I found my local footie club helped with a game on Saturdays and training on Wednesdays - but there comes a time when the legs no longer want to do that other than the odd masters tournament.





It is not that the workload is the issue - it's not - as I said in point one it CAN be done in 30 minutes during slower times (holidays).
It's not lack of free time - in fact it's an overload of free time

However THATs another reason for dislocation with the general public who are complaining about their jobs (see points 3,4,5).
It is the fact that you can DO WHATEVER, WHENEVER YOU LIKE that provides the dislocation from everyone else.

Perhaps another specific reason for me is that I have actually moved from a city to a rural location - and do take extended holidays - so that there is real relocation and disconnection to attend to.

Have you considered taking up a hobby?
Playing golf once a week? Less strain on the knees but still good exercise. Social too.

Trivia nights? Maybe there is a local pub or RSL or something that has a once a week trivia contest. That's social AND it keeps your brain working.

Or what about a vegie garden? Something like that would take time. Not very social but it might mean you'll use some of your spare time researching the best ways to grow certain vegies etc.

I know I'm not in a position to comment here because obviously I still work for the man, but if I had all that free time I would spend it doing anything I've ever wanted to do. I'd study something, even if I had no intention of ever making money from it. etc. Going back to learn something new is also a good way to meet people.

I must say, I'm rather jealous of all that free time.

[TheGooner]

The main thing I'd like to do is meet other people in the same boat, home workers/affiliates whatever, it would be good to meet people now who I have things in common with than trying to always talk down and disown what I do cos people don't understand it and/or feel threatened by it.

The "lunch club" I set-up with a few people back in the city that were self-employed helps a bit. We meet up once a month (last Friday of the month) for a good old fashioned long lunch (take the train in to avoid drink / drive). We talk about business things like TAX, GST/VAT, employing staff / contractors, general opportunities, as well as football and that sort of stuff.

None of them are affiliates, but one runs a web app building company, one is a marketing specialist, one is an IT consultant etc, another is a writer (beer and politics) and as you say it helps to talk with people with common issues (if not exactly the same).

It's grown from two people I knew to a total of 10 people (friends of friends etc) and usually 4-6 make it for any single Friday lunch.

[thebookiesoffers]

I'm with you Gooner, I'm glad you started this topic because I have thought about doing this myself the last few months.

I feel a number of dislocations from normal people:

Freedom is definitely one of them, I moved to my street a year ago, it's a nice cul-de-sac on the very edge of town (countryside is at the end of the street) but it's still 'middle class' working level people. The place is a morgue during the daytime, I get up about 10-ish and open my blinds and the cars are all gone, the place is dead - I work from a home office so I feel really de-energised by the place - to the point that I'm thinking of getting a city centre apartment or somewhere I can go to get some balance - it's a lonely place.

Money - I have no money worries, I'm a working class lad so all my mates (and former mates) are scraping by really, probably the most one of my mates earns is £40k a year and that's only 1 or 2 of them, most are properly skint.

Few worries - Like you, I can't moan about an annoying boss, having to go in work for extra shifts to make a bit more dough, I can buy most things I want, I think sometimes it can come across arrogant without realising. People have so much working class pride, if you offer them a drink and they know you've done well then they seem to take offence by it, even though I'm just being nice. Some people have definitely got a chip on their shoulder about me doing well, I've lost contact with some mates who had me in a certain box and it seems to have blown their mind that I drive a nice car and have a nice house.

So yeh, it's kind of 'get the violins out' stuff. Who really feels sorry for someone who did well and then got bored and lonely? I've tried wild partying, 12-18 hour drinking and coke benders, casinos, one night stands, strip clubs - they were fun for a while (18 months) then they just caught up with me and made me VERY ill. All of that was a total reaction to being holed up bored each day doing this too much, and then needing a major release each week or two.

I have accepted I'm going to have to get back out each day and try to re-connect with the normal world and try to be a normal person, I don't really have any tips or answers by the way. I tried some volunteering recently but my general illness of the last 6 months meant I had to stop, so I'm just having to get myself healthy again and then hopefully join a few meetup groups to get back into my hobbies like bike riding and walking etc.

The main thing I'd like to do is meet other people in the same boat, home workers/affiliates whatever, it would be good to meet people now who I have things in common with than trying to always talk down and disown what I do cos people don't understand it and/or feel threatened by it.

Simple thing to do is make sure you are free when all your pals are, no point me going down the pub most wednesdays in the day as everyone else is at work, obviously will go out if someone is doing something and I now love being able to do it and not worry about work.

Been doing this full time probably 4 years now and at 1st I missed the craic with the lads, I worked in a warehouse picking boxes of tiles so you needed a sense of humour, but I also had to put up with a bunch of dickheads. After a while I just accepted I missed only about 25% of the people and the time there and most people were in fact bellends. after a while I just decided to keep in touch with the people I liked and had time for, much better, I've just got used to working on my own. but apart from mondays there's always usually something going on or someone I need to talk to

I break my day up as well by taking my dog out for an hour before lunch, usually see something to occupy my mind although I have now moved to the countryside in a small little village with little happening

probably helps me as my missus works a normal 9-5 job so her routine influences mine somewhat

and yes, many people do get jealous when they see you doing alright for yourself

[TheGooner]

Have you considered taking up a hobby?
Playing golf once a week? Less strain on the knees but still good exercise. Social too.

...

Or what about a vegie garden? Something like that would take time. Not very social but it might mean you'll use some of your spare time researching the best ways to grow certain vegies etc.

Golf is a good idea - although even out here it can be intimidating to get started - there seems to me to be a lot of etiquette to follow and gear to get and a significant barrier to entry. And yes - not quite a veggie garden - but with a couple of acres to look after and about 500+ trees there is always something outside to chop / trim / weed /cut! Love my ride-on mover !!

if I had all that free time I would spend it doing anything I've ever wanted to do. I'd study something, even if I had no intention of ever making money from it. etc. Going back to learn something new is also a good way to meet people.

I can quite comfortably fill my time - and enjoyably - but I do notice that I am disconnected from the local events now.

Going to learn something new is a good idea - although I am not academically inclined - I went from high school straight into computing back in the days when you could do that easily if you showed the right aptitude instead of wasting 4 years in College / University learning techniques no-one used any more. But extra courses might be a good idea for my partner who has double majors in Science.

Thanks!

[TheGooner]

I worked in a warehouse picking boxes of tiles so you needed a sense of humour, but I also had to put up with a bunch of dickheads. After a while I just accepted I missed only about 25% of the people and the time there and most people were in fact bellends.

after a while I just decided to keep in touch with the people I liked and had time for, much better

LOL - snap.

I break my day up as well by taking my dog out for an hour before lunch, usually see something to occupy my mind although I have now moved to the countryside in a small little village with little happening

Would be interested to see how you feel about this thread in a year or two ...

[thebookiesoffers]

Would be interested to see how you feel about this thread in a year or two ...

To be fair Im pretty settled with it all now, I've got used to my days structure, can make myself busy enough. i just look at it like any of my mates that are in trades like plumbing and work alone a lot, just part of the job now for me

[xecutable]

Do you like gym/fitness places? They have a lot of cool classes, of which I take none hahaha but I see a lot of people signing up for them. How about fishing? I have a few mates who got them a boat, and go around the canals of Amsterdam and around here to fish.

I don't watch TV or anything literally so can't help you with series or shows to entertain you. I too don't know what day it is, for months i think the payments are what reminds me, so I guess that's normal for affiliates?

Now that I've changed countries I have 1 social connection. The rest are over the internet . And to be honest I kinda like it, maybe cause im more of a loner guy.

I had a boss 8 years ago that said, give someone good money a month and he'd lose his friends and it's kinda true. When you cannot relate to the annoying boss, the hassle in the office, the long weekends, the holiday next week, you kinda fallout.

Have you seen all of New Zealand? I enjoy nature trips, perhaps rent a small broken villa and renovate it ? It's something i might be looking forward to in a few years

[Miles_FTA]

[QUOTE=TheGooner;801161]Appreciate the feedback and ideas so far. Yes Shay I found my local footie club helped with a game on Saturdays and training on Wednesdays - but there comes a time when the legs no longer want to do that other than the odd masters tournament.

Hye Gooner have you heard about the new Walking Football Craze .. Maybe something to Look at

[TheGooner]

Hye Gooner have you heard about the new Walking Football Craze .. Maybe something to Look at

Miles - my team mates would say that I pioneered this idea at least 2-3 seasons ago during our matches!

[RacingJim]

One thing I am interested in doing is getting back into non-league football. I haven't been for a number of years, but I'm now interested in maybe getting involved in sponsorship, directorship, helping out the club in some way.