Poo Calendar

[Renee]

Well guys, as most of you know I'm a little on the dark side when it comes to humour..

So I got this Poo Calendar which has a new poo for every day of the year and even tells me the poo of the month. Basically it explains the poo fact. Some of them are pretty cool.

I couldn't resist posting this one because I knew some would find it funny..

Thursday 15th April 2010
The Fart's Loudness Explained
A fart's loudness is determined by two main factors: first, the volume and pressure of the released gas; and, second, teh aperture through which is passes. Simply put, the greater the gas pressure and/or volume, and the smaller the opening of the anal canal, the louder the fart.

Diagram attached.

[pdjoe]

A good poop report like this one is always greatly appreciated

[Renee]

Glad you liked it Joe

I'll be sure to post more when they are as good as this one
Maybe I should do a daily poo calendar update..

Edit: Thought I'd add yesterday's one in coz it was pretty riveting too.

Wednesday 14th April 2010
The Explosive Fart
Rarely heard in public due to societal constraints, the Explosive Fart is characterized by its deafening sound, likened by some to the roar of a lion, by others to the revving of a jumbo jet engine.

Synonyms:
The Bullhorn, Air Show

[Anthony]

Thank you for sharing...

[pandragon]

omg lol is that for real? XD

[Renee]

omg lol is that for real? XD

100% for real.
You can actually learn stuff from this, especially the one from today...

I will post for today as well as the weekend (since I'm not in the office on the weekend) so that everyone knows whats going on with the poo calendar to date:

Friday 16th April 2010
Dr Stool Says "Glutton for Gluten"
Celiac sprue, an intolerance to gluten-containing foods, can cause persistent Soft Serve Poo Symptoms. Gluten is a component of gains such as wheat, rye, and barley, and ingestion by susceptible individuals causes an immune reaction that damages the small intestine. Crampy abdominal pain, watery diarrhea, and the eventual development of an iron deficiency are common adult manifestations of this condition. Diagnoses can be made by blood tests and upper endoscopy. Treatment requires the elimination of all gluten from one's diet.


Saturday 17th/Sunday 18th April 2010
****-Poo Partnership
While it's easy to *** without pooing, it's much less common that one sits down to poo without at least creating a tinkle. In fact, it is virtually impossible to drop a deuce and not experience the urge to urinate. This partnership is just another example of the human body's tendency to work in tandem, like closing the eyes while sneezing.


__________________

[pandragon]

Did it have a festive one for last christmas? ahha

[Renee]

I've only had it since Jan 1st, but I imagine it may have had something like "Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo" or something on it

[DaftDog]

That's really a crappy calendar.

What's next, "The Poo Diaries" or "My Poo Blog".

[Renee]

This is actually funny.. Only because this is not what we call these... we call them "Fanny Farts"... and in Oz, fanny is not your ass..

Monday 19th April 2010
Queef
There are many biological feats that women can perform that men cannot. Pregnancy and breastfeeding are two that readily come to mind. Another, less often discussed, bodily marvel is women's ability to flatulate from more than one orifice. Perhaps this added ability to "vent" is why women tend to be calmer and more rational.


LMFAO!

[Adamvv]

This is actually funny.. Only because this is not what we call these... we call them "Fanny Farts"... and in Oz, fanny is not your ass..

Monday 19th April 2010
Queef
There are many biological feats that women can perform that men cannot. Pregnancy and breastfeeding are two that readily come to mind. Another, less often discussed, bodily marvel is women's ability to flatulate from more than one orifice. Perhaps this added ability to "vent" is why women tend to be calmer and more rational.


LMFAO!

Never in a million years did I think the word "queef" would be discussed in a forum with iGaming folks...And the fact that you were thanked for this thread makes it even more outlandish.

Bravo =D>;

[Beth_IA]

Ditto to what Adam said...

and I never thought I'd read a thread about a "poo calendar"...

I guess we all are reading things we never thought we'd read!

[Renee]

With me you can always expect the unexpected. I promise.

As I said, I have a wicked sense of humour..


Tuesday 20th April 2010
The City of Brotherly Love
In 1991 a Veterans Stadium employee was caught stealing over $34,000 worth of toilet paper before a Philadelphia Eagles game. A city official commented, "We don't really know how long this was going on... but man, he really wiped that stadium clean."

[Renee]

Poo of the Month!

Wednesday 21st April 2010
Pebble Poo
In Hard Times, Stick Together

Pebble Poo reflects a lack of stool cohesion. How does the GI tract produce a well-congealed, singular bolus of soft stool? It uses glue, of course. This "glue" is actually a fatty-acid gel that is formed when ingested fiber is fermented by bacteria residing in the colon. This sticky substance, not unlike the gooey marshmallow mixture in Rice Krispies treats, keeps poo from breaking apart and drying out. This magical gel also lubricates the inside of the colon, allowing the stool bolus to pass friction-free through the GI tract. A lack of dietary fibre results in small, hard, disjoined poos that can give rise to the most un-Zenlike of stooling experiences.

[pandragon]

Transportation Poo

[Renee]

Thursday 22nd April 2010
Butt Bark

It is critical when wiping up after a poo to make sure the job is complete. Butt Bark consists of the stubborn pieces of turd that cling to the anal hairs and often refuse to let go. While the ricking maneuver and pinch technique are favoured strategies for dealing with Butt Bark, if an additional wipe is warranted, it is best to wipe in a front-to-back fashion to generate the greatest degree of sheer force and to avoid contamination of the genital area.

Synonyms:
Grundle Weeds, Clingons, The Lone Ranger, Crap Crumbs, Hanging Chads.

[Renee]

Friday 23rd April 2010
Anal Cosmetics

Shaving, trimming, and Brazilian waxing are all techniques used to clear the anus area of hair. Anal bleaching is a process in which the perineum, which darkens over the years, is lightened for a more youthful appearance. This practice has been linked to anal incontinence and other health problems.


Saturday 24th/Sunday 25th April 2010
When are Farts Odorless

Despite our efforts, newborn babies are the only true sources of odorless flatulence. Their intestines have yet to become filled with bacteria (bacterial colonization begins immediately after birth) and therefore the majority of expelled air is composed of nitrogen and carbon dioxide, both odorless gases.
Theoretically, aroma-free flatulence could be achieved by elimination of all sulfide-producing foods and eradication of all intestinal bacteria through antibiotics or colonic "cleansing." As desirable as odorless flatulence may be, none of these strategies are advisable.


Enjoy your weekend all!

[Renee]

Well I missed yesterday because I was so busy, so here is today and yesterday


Monday 26th April 2010
Dr Stool Says
Diverticulosis

Diverticulosis is one of the most common diseases in developed countries. Approximately 60 percent of Americans over age 50 have diverticula, outpouchings of the colon wall that can bleed or become infected. Caused by a lifetime of eating a low-fiber diet, diverticulosis goes undiognosed in most people, only coming to their attention when bleeding or abdominal pain occurs. Medical lore has it that diverticulitis, or inflammation of these outpouchings, is triggered when foods such as popcorn seeds or nuts travel through the GI tract and get stuck in one of these pockets. No medical studies have confirmed their associated, however.


Tuesday 27th April 2010
Night Light

If someone farts in their sleep and no one hears it, does it make a sound? Flatulence, too, is fraught with its own existential dilemmas. While we are peacefully sleeping, dreaming of vacations on the beach or strolls through the park, we are also farting. The quantity of gas is not large, and little has been documented regarding its smell, but when expelled in a closed-in space (eg a tent) this nocturnal jetsam may be noxious to those nearby. Some malevolent souls purposely enclose nighttime flatulence in a practice known as the "Dutch Oven."

And that, my friends, is how I got the nickname "Dutch"...

Cheers

[Renee]

Wednesday 28th April 2010
Probiotics

Probiotics are live microorganisms that can help populate the gut with "good" bacteria that aid digestion. They're often prescribed following a course of antibiotics, and have been reported to help conditions including irritable bowel syndrome. All the rage, probiotics are now found in dozens of food products from yogurt to chocolate bars.


Thursday 29th April 2010
Breast Feeding vs. Bottles

One important, yet often overlooked aspect of the debate about whether to breast-feed or bottle-feed your child concerns the issue of poo. Put simply, the poo of a breast-fed baby can be a thing of beauty. Classically described as yellow and "seedy" in consistency, this poo is adored by parents for its sweet aroma. Given the similarities, this poo is often mistaken for Dijon mustard.

[Renee]

OK so I've missed a few days.. but I'm not sure anyone is reading these... ?

Friday 30 April 2010
Doo You Know?
Be Sure to Wash Your Hands Thoroughly

Stool contains between 150 and 500 different types of bacteria per gram. Even in the rare instance of the residue-free Clean Sweep poo, there are sure to be a couple billion microscopic bacteria on the toilet paper (not to mention the mélange of microbes on the flush handle, the bathroom door, etc...). Some stooling conservatives have advocated for a change in nomenclature, arguing that the Clean Sweep lends a false sense of hygienic security. Regardless, be sure to wash your hands thoroughly before leaving the bathroom.


Poo of the Month
Saturday 1 May/Sunday 2 May 2010
Number Three

Synonyms:
Butt ****, Liquid Poo, The Runs, Oil Spill, Hershey Squirts, Monezuma's Revenge, Chocolate Thunder, Operation Marination, Operation Evacuation, Releasing the hounds, The Nile, Poo Stew, Gravy Poo, Rectum Rapids, It's Raining Poo, Deuce Juice, Turd Tea

[ OMG I couldn't stop laughing reading some of those. They are ridiculous.. Gross too ]


Monday 3 May 2010
Flatal Ignition 101

Flatus is composed of varying concentrations of five major gases, two of which, hydrogen and methane, are flammable. When present in sufficient quantities and exposed to an open flame, flatus undergoes combustion and can indeed produce a colourful display.

Hydrogen: 2H2S + 3O2 -> 2SO2 + 2H2O

Methane: CH4 + 2O2 -> CO2 + 2H2O

[ I bet a lot of people have lit their farts! ]


Tuesday 4 May 2010
Rhypophobia

This serious condition - the fear of defecation - is presumed to have a psychological basis in childhood trauma and can be very difficult to treat. A related pediatric condition called "encopresis," or fecal soiling, occurs in kids who volitionally refuse to use the toilet. Both of these conditions speak to the importance of making poo a fun and stress-free activity during the childhood years.

[ fun? wtf? ]